Itachi the Swell
by L. C. Webbs
Summary: Sasuke's worst nightmare has come to life. A nice Itachi? Crack-fic.


I should be working on the second chapter of Chocolate Box instead of this, but I read a Itachi-turns-good-fic (THAT bit was not in the summary) and it was so bad and illogical that I had to write this.

So this is for you fangirls

Warnings: Uh…it's a crack fic. One where Sasuke is the only one making any sense. Proof enough for anyone that it's a crack fic.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

**Itachi-the-Swell**

Sasuke looked from his brother, to his best friend, to his hokage, to his sensei.

_I will not __chidori__ them into next week, I will not __chidori__ them into next week…_

"What the _hell_ do you mean 'Itachi has come back?!' And why are we not executing him?!"

Kakashi stepped forward between a very pissed Sasuke and a very pious looking Itachi. Just in case. "You see Sasuke, you're brother's one of the good guys again. He apologized and everything."

Sasuke's jaw dropped. Those word's had not just come from Kakashi's mouth. For one thing, that was an explanation Naruto would give. _'__O__ne of the good guys…." _Please. Even Konohamaru could use better words then that. For another thing, he _apologized_?

_What kind of sick fantasy world was he in?_

"He apologized!? And that makes everything okay? He killed my family! Does his apology make them come back!? No! And even if he hadn't killed them, he became a missing nin, joined a group of criminals, periodically tries to kidnap Naruto, for reasons I still don't know because…I never thought to ask, but that's beside the point! He's a dangerous, sadistic, kin-killer, and you guys are going to let him come back into Konoha, with virtually no punishment, asking me not to tear his sorry ass into next week and you're doing all this because he _apologized!?_ Where's the proof he's even turned good? Are you just going to trust his word?"

Kakashi looked from Sasuke to the Hokage. "Ya, pretty much."

Itachi stepped up and moved Kakashi out of the way. "You seem to not realize Sasuke that I now volunteer at the soup kitchen."

A vein popped in Sasuke's head. "What does that have to do with _a__nything_?"

Itachi looked very sure of himself. "You can only be a good guy if you work at the soup kitchen."

"Arggah!" Sasuke screamed. "Next you'll be telling me Orochimaru's started an orphanage and is helping needy children across the world.(1)"

Itachi shook his head. Foolish little brother. Everyone knew that Orochimaru was a bad guy with no chance of redemption. Duh. "I know this must be hard on you. (Itachi ignored Sasuke's 'Damn straight') But I really have…seen the light …so to speak. I'm not going to try to kidnap you're best friend and I really have changed my ways. I can only hope that you can accept me into your heart as you once did."

Sasuke turned from anger to shock. "You're insane. You are. Every one of you."

"Now, now Sasuke, we all know that at some point you harbored _feelings_ for me."

"WHAT?!"

"You really loved you're brother Sasuke-teme?" Naruto said "Well that's kinda weird, but loves love, so I guess it's okay."

"I DO NOT love my brother like that. In fact I don't love my brother _at all_. He killed my _family_"

"Oh come on, Sasuke," Tsunade said, "That's old news and it's not like you're family was, y'know, important or anything.(They only show up in, like three episodes!) Find something new to be emo about."

"B-but…" Sasuke was for once at a loss for words.

"Just get over it Sasuke-teme and forgive you're brother."

"Yes…forgive me, little brother."

"Ya, know despite the fact that he put me under genjustu that knocked me out for two weeks and he killed off one of my student's family and tries to kidnap another, he's really not that bad of a guy."

This was too much. "I don't want to forgive him, I want to _kill_ him."

"Now, now Sasuke," Kakashi patronized. "It's not nice to want to kill your brother."

"THAT'S IT!" Sasuke turned and stalked out the door. "I'm leaving for Sound. Call me when you all find your minds!"

Naruto looked at Kakashi and Itachi. "Jeez. What's with him?"

The End


End file.
